People who know me best would describe me as strong, confident,\rfuturistic, and even arrogant at times.

However, at this time of year, I become reflective. This year,\rit was particularly difficult for me since my youngest daughter\rhappened to stop by the house on her way to Seattle for a three\rmonth assignment. She is a traveling nurse.

A month ago, my wife was in the attic changing the filters for\rthe air conditioner when she started to rummage through some\rboxes that had been there for the past 18 years. When she came\rdown, she asked me what all of these things were that she found\rin a particular box. I told her that they were medals that I\rhad received when I was in the service. She had never seen any\rof them before. In fact, they were still in their original\rboxes. Some were still wrapped in plastic cases that had never\rbeen opened.

When my daughter arrived, my wife had just finished creating a\rcouple of shadow boxes with many of the medals displayed. Since\rmy daughter had never seen any of the medals either, she started\rasking questions about them. Then, she started reading the\rcitations that were also in the box.

By the time she was finished reading, she had a tear in her eye.

She said Dad, I didnt know that you had done all of these\rthings. Tell me what happened when you received this Purple\rHeart and that Purple Heart and that Bronze Star how did you\rget that Air Medal?

For the first time, I began telling stories that I had long\rforgotten. In fact, I had never told many of the stories to\ranyone in my family before.

As the night went on, I rummaged through a closet and found an\rold shoe box filled with pictures and newspaper clippings of the\rVietNam war that included my name or the name of my unit.

As she looked at the pictures, she kept commenting on the fact\rthat so many of the soldiers looked so young. She even thought\rone of the soldiers looked about 15. I assured her that he was\rat least 18. But then, I also told her that he never got any\rolder. You see, he was killed about a month after the picture\rwas taken.

We stayed up until after 1:30 in the morning talking. I was\ractually exhausted after remembering everything so vividly.

The part that really hurt was when my daughter asked me the name\rof the soldier in one of the pictures. I immediately started\rcrying because I couldnt remember. You see, I spent months and\ryears after I came home purposely trying to forget. I was\rashamed that I couldnt remember. Then, she turned the picture\rover and said, Oh, here it is. You wrote his name on the back\rof the picture.

Several years ago I was visiting my sister who lives in\rArlington, VA. This same daughter was with me at the time and\rshe actually tricked me into visiting the VietNam Memorial. \rWe had just finished visiting the graves of my parents who are\rboth buried in Arlington National Cemetery and I remember\rfeeling a bit sad at the time.

As I walked along the Wall, I remember feeling the same guilt\rthat I felt when she asked me the name of the soldier in the\rpicture. I could see the faces of those who died in my head,\rbut I remember frantically searching the names on the wall\rhoping that just one of the names would jump out and jog my\rmemory. That never happened.

Instead, I simply asked to be left alone while I reached out and\rtouched the wall saying a silent prayer for faces I could see in\rmy head. I remember hearing screams. I remember smelling gun\rpowder. I remembered everything except their names.

I cant remember how many months it took to forget that\rembarrassing moment. I thought the memory was buried for good\runtil my daughter asked me for the soldiers name.

Im not sure that I really want to look on the back of the other\rpictures in the box. Maybe someday.

Some of you may have read the article that I wrote last year. \rIts called Memorial Day Today I Remember With Tears. You\rcan read it at\rhttp:///?Memorial-Day---Today-I-Remember-With-Tears&id=208916

All I know is that Memorial Day still hurts.

Humbly,

Pat Kiggins

Pat is an accomplished business executive, a proud Vetrepreneur and an even prouder parent of four outstanding children.

If you would like to see how Pat motivates Veterans to start their own company and become successful, visit http://www.veteranbusinessnews.com